THE ONION: American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress

The Onion: "WASHINGTON—Citing a desire to gain influence in Washington, the American people confirmed Friday that they have hired high-powered D.C. lobbyist Jack Weldon of the firm Patton Boggs to help advance their agenda in Congress.

'His daily presence in the Capitol will ensure the American people finally get a seat at the table,' the statement continued. 'And it will allow him to advance our message that everyone, including Americans, deserves to be represented in Washington.'"